(Overdue post! suppose to post in Feb but i took a long time to tidy up my thoughts and of course i did read up others writing and put in my thoughts too…)
Moving on with life after betrayed by the person you love is not an easy task. The sting of betrayal, the feeling of abandonment left you deluded, angry, humiliated and sad. Thoughts like “am I not good enough”, “what did I do wrong”, “what went wrong” and “why this happen to me” keeps spinning in your head. You begin to question your character, attractiveness and quality as a human being. You may even start the blame game. Blaming yourself, the man who betrayed you, the woman who stole your boyfriend or circumstances.
Maybe you are going through it and your world is spinning out of control. You are trying to cope with the pain and come to term with the lost. You being to wonder if you are ever gonna survive this pain. Well, the answer is YES you are gonna make it through.
Then the next question is how do I get out of it and get my life back. Here are some thoughts which you can think through and even follow through.
1. Forgiveness
You didn’t read wrongly. The first thing to do is to FORGIVE. You need to chose to forgive yourself and him. I must admit that betrayal is an unacceptable bad behaviour. He doesn’t deserve it BUT holding on to the grudge do not benefit you in any ways. Holding the grudge only trap YOU in a prison of anger, resentment, pain and hate. It only give an illusion that he is your prisoner but in reality, he is not “punished”. Your heart and soul is toxic by this negative emotion which eventually affect other areas of your life. It will not end until you chose to forgive. Do yourself a favour; spare yourself of being a sponge that holds on to all these negative effect. Release yourself from this pain. You do not need to go through the months of self loathing and blame or going through the process of thinking who is right and who is wrong cause all these will not undo the pain. The pain will stop only when you decide that it should stop cutting your heart. Do what is the best for yourself. Choose Forgiveness.
(Forgiveness includes stop trying to justify who is wrong. It is letting go.)
2. Think positively about yourself
The things we think about ourselves are very important!
As faith and fear works in the same way. Both would attract things/situation and circumstances base on what is going on in our mind. The only difference – Faith attract positive and Fear attract negative.
People who were victimized tends to go back to the same cycle. Cause they are trapped mentally. To break out of this defeated cycle, mindset has to change. Constantly having negative thoughts and image of yourself will only land you in unfavorable situation. How to find out whether you are thinking negatively about yourself. All you have to do is pay attention to the thoughts you have when alone. Do self-beating thoughts kept coming to your mind? If you do, make a conscious effort to say/think something good and positive like:
You deserve better
you are worthy to be loved
you are more than enough for your partner
you are beautiful inside out.
you can be love
or anything that is worth thinking….
3. Recover first before jumping into a new relationship
Inevitable, the feeling of unworthiness and loneliness will creep in. People in this situation will start to question their attractiveness, self worth and whether they can move on the next relationship or if the new partner will be faithful. Being betray by the person who is close to our heart; is a painful and heart wrenching thing to go thru. It is like tearing away part of our heart. The pain and loneliness can be unbearable.
My suggestion is to first recover from the broken relation before moving on to a new one. Don’t jump into the next another relationship without first recovering. Cause when we are hurt or in need of someone to fill up the gap; Our judgment is blurred by our desperation. We will enter into the next relationship and treat it like a lifebuoy. Effect of it can be disaster. Both parties will be deluded by how the relationship turns out and this in turn cause hurts to both parties.
Moving on takes time and effort. We are all humans, when we are sad; we should allow ourselves to have a period of mourning but after that we must decides to move on and allow our heart to recover.
